Well first let me say hello again, it has been a while since I have written one of these. My name is Sarah for those of you who are new! I am a wife of a minister (almost pastor woo!), mom of two babies under 3 years old, and a nurse. I write about real life topics and maybe say things that people want to say but don’t. This is a place where I want to be honest, authentic and ultimately point people to Jesus. I believe He is the one that truly satisfies. He is trustworthy and the Savior of the world who came on a rescue mission for us so that we could be in right relationship with Him. I know some of you reading may not believe and that is okay! I hope you see Him through my writings and if you have any questions please reach out!  

Let me also preface that I am not an expert in anything I talk about. My writings come from my own life experiences and wisdom I have gained from others along the way. What I am about to say is not end all be all but I do believe it needs to be talked about. I am in no way attempting to offend anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings but I will be honest and say some hard stuff so know that before you continue reading.

Now that you know who I am and where I come from let’s get into it. For those of you who are moms, have you ever been in a scenario where other mom friends, relatives, etc say something on the lines of “Oh wow your husband is watching the kids all by himself?” or “Is your husband babysitting today?” if they see you out an about without the kids?

I am going to be real for a second: THIS MINDSET DRIVES ME NUTS. Dads are parents too. Dads are not only meant to “babysit” or “watch” their children. They are called to parent just as moms are called to parent. Now, I will say I believe moms and dads have different roles and responsibilities when it comes to parenting.

Mothers have a natural ability to nurture and care for their children. They carry the majority of the weight when it comes to schedules, bedtime routines, household chores, etc. Children, especially young children, tend to go to mom for boo boos, illnesses, and hurt feelings. Mothers offer a God given comfort and connection that is so special and God created and ordained since the womb.

BUT Fathers have a unique role as well. Fathers offer stability and steadfastness. The way that children see God the Father is through the lense of how their earthly father loves and treats them. Children go to their dad for fun, play, and confidence. Dads challenge and encourage. They protect their family from harms way and will be held accountable for their families actions when they meet Jesus face to face.

The mindset that dads are only capable of babysitting their children is doing two soul crushing things in one sentence.

1. Debilitating and discouraging fathers’ ability to care for their children.
2. Putting an exuberant amount of pressure on mothers’ to take on the full weight of parenting which they were not meant to do.

However, let me take a second to acknowledge all of the single moms out there. YOU ARE CRUSHING IT. My heart breaks for you and I am in constant prayer for you as you navigate single parenthood. My prayer is that your village would surround you and love you and help you raise your children in the best more healthy way. You are doing the best you can and God sees you. He is your provider and comforter and He loves your children more than you! You are loved more than you could ever imagine.

So, let me tell a personal story of how this has happened in my marriage. We were at a wedding and I was one of the bridesmaids so my husband was on “Addie Duty” as one may call it. Addie is our daughter who was around one at the time. After the ceremony was over, a family member came up to him and said “You are just the best dad ever for watching your daughter so your wife could be in the wedding. You are so involved.” She then proceeded to look at me and say “You are lucky you found a good one” OKAY LIKE HOW SAD IS THAT. My husband takes care of his child so now he is the best dad ever?!?!?!?!? I’m sorry but I would not have gotten the same kudos if roles were reversed. YOU FEEL ME LADIES??!?!?!

My husband was kind and thanked her and then proceeded to listen to me rant about it for the next couple minutes. Like how does that make any sense?!  

My point in saying all of this is Dads are way more capable then we make them out to be and moms are not meant to do it all alone. So what are the take aways for both mothers and fathers who are navigating this season of children, especially young children?

For the Moms..

1. You have to let your husband parent. I know he doesn’t do things the way you do BUT you have to let go of the control. Your kids will survive a night without a bath. Your house can be a mess for a day ( I am guilty of this one ). Your children love their dad as much as they love you . It is important for them to see dad take care of their needs just like you do. It may not be exactly how you would do it but trust God that He gave your husband the ability to parent too.

• You have to get away. Let your husband take care of the kids for a night, a weekend, or even a whole week!! You need time to remind yourself of who you are and take care of you. The healthiest home is where the mom is healthy and the marriage is healthy. You getting away helps remove that deep need for control and forces you to let your husband parent.

• Trust the Lord with your children and your husband. The control you think you have, you don’t. God loves your children more than you do and He is in control and sovereign over all things. He created both you and your husband for parenthood. Trust Him in that even when it is hard.

For the Dads…

1. Get involved. Know the schedule, know your kids favorites, play with your kids, love on them even when your tired. You both are exhausted I know. BUT you getting in the midst of the kids mess and getting on your hands and knees to play means more to both your kids and your wife then any money amount in the world.

My favorite thing about my husband is how he plays with our kids. He is the best at meeting them where they are at in each stage and loving them right there.

• Make her a priority. Book her a spa day, do the dishes, fold the laundry, write her a thank you note. The messes she cleans up daily and weekly are not just hers. They are yours too. You live in the house and pay the bills too so get to work. Think outside the box on how you can love her and take some of that mental load off of her. Ask her questions daily, pursue her and know her just as you know your next tee time or fantasy football draft line up.

• Get in community. Get around some guys who are doing it right and love Jesus and their families well who can pour into you and give you some wisdom. Parenthood is not meant to be done alone but in community. These men should know everything about you and help keep you accountable to the sin in your life that could be damaging to your family. Community is a must for husbands and dad but also for wives and moms.

We could not survive this season without our community and village!!

All this to say, Dads your more than just a babysitter. You’re a Father and that is a huge and honoring weight to carry. Moms you are slaying the game, navigating all the things when it comes to the littles. Give your man some space to be a dad. He is more than capable and you are more than deserving of a partner in life to help you parent those little mini mes you both created!

That is all for now! Until next time.

Sarah