The guilt of leaving my daughter Adeline for the first time was real. All the questions, all the doubts, all the worries. What if they don’t feed her on time? What if they don’t put her to sleep like I do? What if she chokes on her dinner and I am not there? What if she cries for them and they don’t know how to calm her down? What if she is scared because I am not there? What if she gets hurt?

You may be in the same place. Maybe you are planning your first date night, maybe it is your first extended period of time away from your precious babe, or maybe you’re about to head back to work. Either way, it can be overwhelming and quite frankly scary. Leaving your babies for the first time is not easy no matter how old they are.

In my experience, I went back to work so I had to leave Adeline. There was no if, it was only when. Was it one of the hardest things I’ve ever done? Of course it was, but honestly it has been so good for me and the Lord has brought me to a place of surrender time and time again especially when it comes to leaving Adeline. Being in the season that I am, I have a lot of friends having babies which is AMAZING and so exciting! This topic has come up more than once in my conversations and just recently I had one of my really good mama friends text me saying, “I am about to leave my baby for the first time. I need some encouragement.”

So I wanted to hop on here and share several lessons the Lord has taught me in this season of being a brand new mom learning how to trust others with my baby girl. In hopes to encourage and remind you, it is OKAY to leave your baby/babies. It actually is a REALLY good thing not only for you but for your marriage and for your babies.

The six things I have learned when it comes to leaving Addie..

1. She won’t remember this time in her life ever, but this is practice for when you do start leaving her and she can remember it. She should be used to you going away and doing things either by yourself, with friends, or with your spouse. The whole world does not evolve around her. She has come into your life, but she doesn’t rule it.

2. What is healthiest for you, is healthiest for her. She will adapt and she is resilient. If you constantly stay at home and do nothing but take care of baby 24/7 and don’t take time to get away with your spouse, friends, or even alone, it will crush you. You must prioritize you as a mom and as a person. A healthy you and a healthy marriage is the best thing for your babe. So going away for a few days or a few hours isn’t going to kill her but if you don’t start the habit of going away it will kill you by creating in you a resentful and bitter heart.

3. Let other people love her. She is going to need more than just you as she grows up and learns about the world. She is starting to develop trusting relationships with other people. You have to let her do that. If you are always there, she doesn’t get the opportunity to be loved on and experience love in all different kinds of ways. It’s important for her to learn to trust people that aren’t mom and dad . She will for sure need that when she is a teenager and it all starts now.

Side Note: This has been the biggest blessing to our family! Allowing families and girls in our student ministry to love on Addie has been SO good for our family and especially for me. Our village is truly the best gift ever. They all love Addie like their own and I couldn’t have asked for better. Letting people in to my nonperfect, messy life to love me and my family as hard as it is sometimes (fear of judgement, approval, etc), is and will always be so worth it!

4. God has her. The control you think you have over her,, you don’t. Life and death is up to the Lord himself. Yes you steward her life well, etc etc. but at the end of the day if she’s going to die she will die and if she is going to live she will live. I know that’s morbid but it’s true. You truly don’t have any control over the breath in your baby’s lungs. God does. Leaving your baby with someone else is an opportunity for you to trust Him. He loves you baby more than you and she is His daughter first.

5. Be flexible. People will not follow the schedule exactly to a tee. It is okay if she doesn’t nap on time or misses a bottle. She is alive and healthy when you get home that is the goal. The question to ask yourself is “Is my child in danger because she doesn’t follow the schedule for one day or one stretch of time?” The answer is no! She is completely fine. Obviously, you want the care giver to follow the instructions as careful as possible but sometimes babies will be babies and not do exactly what the Excel spreadsheet say to do. IT IS OKAY. Deep breaths, your baby is more than fine. They are loved and well cared for. Tomorrow or the week you get back, put them back on the schedule. Remember they are adaptable and resilient.

6. Lastly, when you are away for sure asks for pictures and videos and updates but at the same time unplug, sleep in, have fun. Enjoy the time away. If you come home refueled and refreshed that is the best thing for your baby. Take advantage of getting away and rest. Refuel yourself for motherhood when you get back. Let yourself enjoy the moments. Your baby is in good hands and you should give yourself the grace and joy to have fun without her! You’ll probably cry but that’s okay. Don’t cry for too long and don’t sit in guilt. Trust God and enjoy your time away.

Those are the biggest lessons I have learned so far and the Lord is constantly teaching me more and more daily when it comes to motherhood. This most important of all of these is to trust Him for He is trustworthy. You may be saying to yourself, this is great Sarah but I have no idea where to start. A few ideas to get you started when it comes to leaving your baby for the first time.

• Try putting them in the nursery at church. This is a great place to start because these are trusted, background checked, CPR certified people who love and choose to serve your baby. It is also for a short period of time and you are able to stay close by in case you want to get them at anytime or they have trouble.

• Leave them with grandma or grandpa. I know this is not the case for some because of all different reasons but if this is the case for you. Leave them with grandma and grandpa. I never once in my childhood said I didn’t want to go to grandma and grandpas house. I loved my time with them and loved my sleepovers. I never looked at it as my mom is leaving me rather I GET to spend time with my grandparents. Addie adores her grandparents and asks to go over regularly. It is because she has been going there since she was a baby and she is comfortable with them.

• Leave them with a trusted friend or family or have the new babysitter come over for a pre-visit, supervised playdate. That way you can see how they interact with your baby and/or babies and feel it out for yourself. You can also always ask for references from your babysitter. I have talked to and recommended so many babysitters. I am always happy to tell a mama, people they can trust to watch their sweet babies.

My hope and prayer for you today is that you would feel encouraged and empowered to take the next step to leave your baby in the care of someone else. No doubt it is nerve wrecking, I do not want to diminish the fear at all, rather encourage you to step out in faith. Trust God and let other people love your baby so that you can be the healthiest mama for your baby and have a healthy sustainable marriage for years and years to come.

Love, Sarah